This installment in The Unimaginations of Meredith Windsor was particularly interesting to write. Crystal goes into depth about the inner workings of guardian angels. Did you read last weeks' chapter? Nadia Sinclair was mentioned then. Want to know who she is?Then read this chapter!
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“Well done, Meredith.” Crystal said that night as I lay awake, the others sleeping around me.
“I didn’t do much.” I said. “Savannah needed some encouragement in the things of God is all. I think she’ll be all right now.” I rolled over and picked at a thread on the blanket of my bed.
I felt more than heard Crystal sigh. “What’s the matter.”
I bit my lip. “I feel as though the time for me here is coming to an end.”
“Meredith…” I rolled onto my back and looked at her. She was looking at the ceiling, sitting on the side of my bed. “I know that thoughts of your meeting with Death and what he had to say fill your mind continually. I can feel them, your thoughts. And I know their substance.”
I sat up and looked toward the open window letting in the sweet night breeze. “What does it matter if you answer my questions or not?”
“I believe it matters a lot, Meredith.”
I looked at her.
“Perhaps it even hinges on what you do in the future.”
I pulled my knees up to my chin. “I’m scared of the future.”
Crystal pursed her lips, then nodded her head once as if deciding something inside of herself.
“Meredith…I want to tell you a story.”
“A story…about what?”
“About Nadia Sinclair. She’s the only one that has ever had the gift that you have. The only one to ever possess your unimaginations, as you call them.”
“What happened to her?”
A smile trembled on her lips before slipping of entirely. “She made the wrong choices. And she lost the privilege. God took away her gift…because she was misusing it. He said He would give to someone who would treasure it.”
I swung my feet off the edge of the bed. “Tell me, then.” I whispered. “Tell me everything.”
Crystal sat down beside me. “I was assigned to Nadia when she was born. Angels can be given three positions when they are guardians of human souls. The first position most usually request or are assigned to is the temporary. To see if the human will suit them. And they the human. If that position does not suit then they can be assigned a different soul. The second position is semi-permanent. If the angel finds that he likes his assigned soul he can request semi-permanence. The angel will then be committed to that soul for the duration of that human’s life on earth. But after that human dies he will be assigned to another soul. The third position is permanence. The angel will be committed to a human for all of that human’s life and when that human dies will himself retire to heaven. However, angels rarely choose this last position. A human’s life is fleeting. And a good guardian angel can be committed to as many as 700 to 800 souls in the course of earth’s life.” A bittersweet smile walked across her face. “Nadia was my seventeenth soul. So I was relatively new. But I could tell even when she was in her mother’s womb that she was going to be something special. You see…unlike you she had her gift from her very birth. I remember the first time she noticed me. She was three years old. She laughed and she laughed and babbled on and on about ‘a lady with long hair wearing a white dress’. Her mother was worried about Nadia for she did not see me herself. But she learned to accept Nadia’s gift. She was one of the only people that believed that Nadia saw what she saw and heard what she heard. As I watched her grow up, as she talked with me and shared every waking thought I knew this girl would be special to me. One night when she was about eight I heard her whisper my name in her sleep.”
“Then…you just knew?” I whispered.
She nodded once, slightly. “Most of the other angels didn’t understand. They had not experienced the…love I had for Nadia.”
I frowned, thinking. “Do angels not…normally love?”
Crystal looked at me. “Certainly, they can love. Just…not the way you humans do.” She looked up, out the window. “Sometimes I wonder how a human heart and the love it would possess would feel beating in my chest.” She paused, tilted her head. “You see…all angels love the person they have agreed to protect. Just…the love is different for every soul we guard. And my love for Nadia…it was special.”
“Did she…love you in return?”
“She did. Our relationship was…so pure and good. Beneficial to her soul as well as mine.”
“So…what happened to her? Why are you now my guardian angel instead of in heaven with her after she died?’’
I saw her eyes darken with the memories that inundated her mind. Saw them flash across her eyes.
“Crystal, you don’t have t—”
“Meredith?” I jerked toward the childish voice calling her name softly through the dark, sleeping room.
Regretfully, I stood and crossed over to the other side of the room where two children were standing in the open doorway. Ava and Lily.
I crouched down so that she was at eye-level with them.
“Meredith, Ava had a bad dream.” Lily said, sounding a little upset herself. I noticed that she was holding Ava’s hand.
“Thank you, Lily. I’ll take care of her.”
Lily gave a sigh of relief before dropping Ava’s hand and heading back to her room.
I reached out and rubbed away the wetness from Ava’s little face. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Do you want to tell me about it?”
Wordless, Ava simply stepped forward and put her arms around my neck. I gathered her slight form into my arms and stood. I walked down the hallway, barely hearing the voice emanating from Mrs. Grayson’s old office.
Once I reached the kitchen, I set Ava down in a chair and went about getting a cup of water for her.
After she drank it, I picked her up and just held her in my arms, rocking back and forth.
She stirred a little. “Will you sing me my favorite song?” she murmured. “The Jesus one?”
I sang Jesus Loves Me with all the verses I could remember before I took her back to her bed and tucked her in, kissing her little forehead.
She was nearly asleep when I kissed her.
I closed the door silently behind me and pressed my back against the door, lifting my face to the ceiling.
“Oh, Lord Jesus…” I breathed. “What more can I do?”
I heard other words through the silent prayers screaming in my mind.
I followed the voice, not realizing it was Miss Greyson’s until I stood by the wall next to the room in which she was in.
Her dead mother’s office.
“…so when are you coming? Will you get here in time for my mother’s funeral?”
I realized that she was talking on her cell phone.
I placed my head against the wall, spread my fingers against it.
Why could not life be so solid?
“Good. I’m glad you’ll be making it. I just…” She sighed. “I need you, Andrew. I need you here with me to help me make these decisions.”
She paused. “Andrew…there’s this…this girl here. She very…peculiar.”
“Well…I thought maybe you could help me diagnose her problem if I told you about her. She said that no other psychologist has done so accurately thus far…Well…I heard her screaming just today at something. You see, Andrew, this girl thinks she can see things.”
“My mother told me that the girl thinks she can see angels and even demons… I know. I thought maybe once you got here you could help her by having a session or two with her. Since you’re a psychologist and all…Do I think she’s crazy? Well…disturbed definitely. But besides talking to her angels I haven’t really seen too much strange behavior. She is…different. Andrew…sometimes…sometimes I almost believe that she’s telling the truth. She just has this…look about her. Mmm…you’ll see when you get here. Oh, by the way, have you decided on a date for the wedding yet? I was thinking Christmas Eve…”
I wondered how exactly Lorna Greyson had become engaged with a demeanor as frosty as hers was.
I slipped away silently, wondering about her fiancé. Wondering what questions he would ask me that everybody else hadn’t asked already.
Back in bed, I stared out at the moonlight through the open window. It must be nice to be in love.
To have somebody who you could say anything to and they wouldn’t leave because what you said was crazy. My thoughts turned to Naomi.
Sweet, dear Naomi.
She almost certainly wouldn’t have thought I was crazy.
But I had received my gift after she left so I never got the chance to find out.
I turned and pulled my legs up to my chest, rolling myself into a ball.
I felt an ache within me that could only be satiated by love.
I wished I had someone to love.
Someone physical, I mean.
To take my mind off of my melancholy I thought about how I first met Naomi.
Six months after my parents died I found myself in an orphanage with what seemed 1,000 other girls. The first six months I had spent with two of the members of the church my family and I attended. The pastor had asked it of the couple. The man had been kind, wanting to take me in. But his wife had not wanted me. And I did not make it easy for her to like me, I realize. I was bitter and dark and scared those early days of my grief. The emotions hardened somewhat after the first four months. Eventually, I was sent to the orphanage. With all the other girls. There was no distinction between us and I found myself feeling lost in all those people. And so alone and desolate that I might as well have been on an island with no other inhabitant. I had no one. And no one had me.
That, to my mind, was the most tragic circumstance of all.
Nobody on earth was left to love me.
And there was nobody on earth that would love me. I mean really, really love me.
Those were the days that I wrote nothing.
No poetry. No day by day account of my life (for I was merely existing and not really living). But I remember reading. Reading and reading and reading book after book after book. I drowned myself in books and words until I could feel nothing but what the characters were feeling, think nothing but what the characters were thinking, act as they were acting. They prompted me to breathe. To wake. To sleep. To eat. Though not to live.
But I did not read the Bible as I had every day of my life since I was nine years old. I ignored God. I was angry and upset with Him. Confused as to why He would allow the evils of this world to shatter my family. Some of the girls were nice to me. But only one in particular stands out in my mind. I can remember those days by the little kindnesses and gifts she gave me. Naomi. She had been an orphan her entire life. That first night at the orphanage, at about midnight, when every girl in the room was asleep, I climbed out of bed and went over to the window, feeling desperate to get out. Feeling trapped, secluded, alone. A pressed my hand against the glass, cold with winter’s chill.
“How’d you get here?”
It was so quiet and peaceful, I didn’t even startle at her voice. Naomi’s voice was always peaceful. Except for once. But that’s another story. I turned and looked up at the top bunk where the voice had originated. The girl sitting up in bed was not what I had expected to find. That was the first time I noticed Naomi. Her hair was short and curly and red. She was really tall and thin. But it was her eyes that caught me and wouldn’t let go. They were so kind and deep and…good. They were a rich, lovely blue, like ripe blueberries. Later I found out she was fourteen.
I shrugged a little. “My parents died half a year ago. Carbon monoxide.”
She nodded. “No wonder you seem so sad.” She whispered. “I couldn’t imagine losing my parents that way.”
“How did you lose them, then? Was it less painful than how I lost them?”
“Mmmm. I just…I never knew them, is all. I have a theory, though.”
My eyes widened. “A theory? About your parents and why they left you?”
She nodded slightly, curls bouncing. “I talk with Jesus about it a lot.” She said. She scrunched up her nose. “Actually…I have a lot of theories. But my favorite one is that I’m kind of like Pearl in The Scarlet Letter. Only…my mom gave me up because she didn’t think she was good enough for me. And she’s wearing a scarlet A on her breast somewhere, trying to atone for her sins, without my father, who is the minister of a town. She’s very noble and, though everybody knows what she’s done, they like her because she works hard and is really pretty.” Naomi gave a little sigh. “But I want to find her someday to tell her about Jesus and how only He can take away your sin and your guilt. Do you know about that? About Jesus, I mean?”
I nodded, struck silly for words at the moment. “I mean…yes. I do. My parents were born-again believers. And I remember accepting Jesus when I was six.”
“Really? What denomination are you?”
I smiled a little. “They always made fun of us because we never stuck to one denomination. We just loved Jesus and wanted to serve God. We went to a Baptist church, a Pentecostal, and a Methodist church in the three places we lived.”
Naomi seemed fascinated. “Which one did you like best?”
I shrugged. “They all had their pros and cons.”
“All right…how about this. What did you like least about one of them?”
I rolled my eyes toward the ceiling. “Singing hymns in the Baptist church. Hymns are mere whispers of worship. Modern Christian music is more like loud, jubilant shouts of praise.”
Naomi giggled. “I am a Toby Mac girl myself. At least…the non-rap music he releases.” She shuddered. “I hate rap. It’s like noise, noise, and more noise, with no point whatsoever.”
She and I became fast friends. The day that she left was one of pain for both of us. I ran after the car that took her away, tears streaming down my face. Just before she left, she pressed a scrap of paper into my hand, held me tight, pulled away, and hopped into the car.
Left in dust of her departure I had wiped at the tears in my eyes and running down my face in order to read what she had given me.
Ten years from now, when you are 21 and I am 23, meet me in the Library of Congress in Washington on May 8, 2024 at noon. Satan may think he has broken us up forever, but you know that he can’t. We’re sisters in Christ. I love you, Meredith. Until then, “the Lord bless you and keep you: the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you: the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace” (Num6:24-26).
I didn’t cry after that. In fact, I laughed. Perhaps I sounded somewhat hysterical. But I wasn’t hopeless or desolate anymore. God had brought Naomi back into my life to woo me back to Him. I had started reading my Bible again the day after I met her. My reconciliation with God wasn’t as dramatic as I thought it would be. It was peaceful and sweet and full of comfort. I did cry as I read Psalm 119 on the day I took up my devotions again. Psalm 119 was my mother’s favorite.
The longest chapter in the Bible.
I always thought it was rather ironic that Psalm 117 was the shortest, seeing as those two chapters were such close neighbors.
I only cried to let go of my parents. To look forward at a future that was shining. Perhaps not as brightly but I was certain that it would only grow brighter as I grew older.
And Naomi and I would not be separated forever. We would see each other again. I laughed to think of how we had fooled the entire world. And, as I naively thought, even Satan and his demons.
That night, in the quiet of the sleep of the girls around me, I breathed in and let it out slowly.
“God…” I whispered. “You say that faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. Daddy…” I hesitated, swallowed, and started again. “Daddy used to say that I’m different. I see things others don’t. Hear things that nobody can. Even Naomi said that once. If…if I can help…in any way…I’m…well I’m pretty available, Lord. If I can help the angels to fight the demons…I will. I’ve always wondered at everything I can’t see. I know there’s a lot. Please…give me sight into the world of angels and demons.”
All it took was that one prayer that one night.
It changed my life forever.
Mama had always spoken of the power of prayer. But I thought that maybe it took praying the same thing over and over again sometimes for God to see that you were serious and sincere in what you were praying. That is not necessarily true. Sometimes all it takes is once. One prayer so sincere and pure before God that He knows with absolute certainty that you meant what you said.
The next day after breakfast I had clean-up duty with Kelly, Savannah, and one other girl named Chelsea.
Chelsea was known for her levity.
She never took anything seriously.
Kelly was known for incessant speaking.
And Savannah…well I didn’t know her well enough yet to say anything of her.
As Kelly brought plates and silverware in from the dining room she said, “Meredith, did you know that Miss Frosty has a boyfriend? I couldn’t believe it! He’s supposed to get here today.”
Chelsea looked up from washing the dishes. “Think he’s cute?”
“Oh, totally!” Kelly enthused. “I mean, he has to look like something if he has any hope of ever actually marrying the beautiful ice queen.”
“Maybe he melted her heart.” Savannah said with a giggle. “What do you think, Meredith?”
I looked up as I set a plate in the plate rack to dry. “I think he’ll be handsome as all get out.”
The girls ooohed and giggled at this.
Except for Savannah. She gave me a curious look. “Why do you think that?”
“Just a suspicion is all.” I replied.
I couldn’t tell anyone that the man’s traveling angels had arrived only hours ago.
Traveling angels were sent before those who were traveling in order to prepare the way for them.
So that no danger and no evil would befall that person.
This had made me curious about the man. He was obviously a believer in Christ or else he wouldn’t have those angels.
But what about his fiancé, Lorna Greyson?
These doubts and questions filled up my mind as I finished the dishes with the other girls.
“Meredith? Will you play with us? Please? Oh, please?”
I gave a pretend groan as I closed my book. “Why do they always send you, Ava?”
She grinned at me. “’Cause I’m the cutest and you love me lots!” She answered.
I laughed and swung my feet down from the window seat where I had previously been reading.
“Come here, you silly girl!” I said, pretending to dive for her. She giggled and darted away, across the room and through the door. I stood and ran after her.
I ran down the hallway that connected all the bedrooms, calling her name softly.
At the end of the hallway, I turned left and saw a flash of white-blond hair as Ava disappeared into the living room at the end of the front hall.
I sprinted forward and then nearly cried out in pain when the arch of my foot connected with something sharp and hard. At the same time, the front door was opening. As I fell forward I fell into the chest of the man who had opened the front door.
He caught me, of course. Around the waist since my arms had been outstretched to catch my fall. My hands had ended up on his shoulders.
“Are you all right?”
Okay…wow. He smelled good. What was that scent exactly? It was almost cinommony but not cinnamonny? It was a very…spicy scent. Warm. It made me think of my father. He had smelled like this…
I blinked, realized that he had been asking me a question while I had been smelling him.
That was just plain weird.
I jerked out of his arms, bringing my hurt foot down. Forgetting what I had done to it while chasing Ava.
I hissed with pain realizing whatever it was I had stepped on was stuck to my foot.
I shifted my weight to my right foot to investigate the left, injured one.
Oh. A Lego.
That was what Ava wanted me to do with her and the other little girls.
I clenched the Lego in my hand as I looked up at the man who had just entered.
He stood there, staring at me. Behind him Lorna Greyson herself stood, gaze switching between him and me.
All right, then.
Time to move on.
“M—Miss Greyson, is this your fiancé?”
Her posture relaxed slightly when I said “fiancé”.
“Yes. Yes it is, Meredith. Andrew, this is the girl I was speaking about to you earlier.”
“I’m Meredith. Meredith Windsor.” I said, smiling, looking him in the eyes for the first time.
He held out his hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Meredith Windsor.” He said.
I placed my hand in his, shook it, and let go, all the while continuing to stare into his warm brown eyes.
Looked like the ice queen found a sun king to warm her up.
But…I knew for certain that he was a born-again believer and Miss Greyson was not…
“Meredith! Meredith! Where did you go! Ava said—oh.”
“I’m coming, Lily.” I called down the hall to her.
I stepped back and tried not to look like I was curious as I smiled at Miss Greyson’s fiancé one more time. “It was…nice to meet you Mr…I’m sorry…I don’t know your last name.”
“Andrew is good enough.”
“Andrew it is then.”
As I walked down the hallway toward the little girls I could feel the stare of both Miss Greyson and her fiancé.
But when I looked at Crystal, I saw only Miss Greyson reflected in her eyes, though we were both walking away from her.
My heart almost stopped.
Sometimes my angel revealed things to me she had no idea she was revealing.
The thoughts in her mind always reflected in her eyes. And at times I could see people in them.
One time Carrie had been reflected there. That had been the day before Carrie had stolen my journal and told everybody what the contents were.
But the time after that…I shuddered just to think about it. Crystal had needed reinforcements to fight that evil. An maid had worked here once. Her name had been Anne.
Anne had struggled with not just any demon.
But a very, very powerful one.
The demon of depression. Depros was his name.
Depros had influenced the entire orphanage while Anne had worked there.
Before Anne had allowed the power of Jesus to shoot through the chains that bound her to her demon.
But Depros had troubled me greatly because I could hear and see him and not just feel his influence as everybody else could.
“Crystal…”I whispered. “Is something…bad going to happen?”
Her brows came slightly together. The image of Lorna Greyson faded from her eyes.
“Perhaps. It’s…it’s best to be prepared.”
Of course she could not tell me.
But I must be prepared.
A faint panic began to beat within my breast.
So faint that I could ignore it.
But I silently worried what would happen when it grew.
Later, the hour before bed, I was reading a book to Ava and Lily when Carrie came up to me and told me that Mr. Clearwater wanted me in Mrs. Greyson’s old office.
“Who?” I asked, trying to place the name.
Carrie gave a huff. “Miss Greyson’s fiancé.”
I closed the book. “I’m sorry, girls. We’ll finish this tomorrow.”
Carrie looked smug. “My, Meredith. You must be in some trouble to be called to the office right before bed.”
I turned toward the door, trying not to roll my eyes.
“And I’m sure that you had nothing to do with this, did you, Carrie?”
I didn’t stay to watch her reaction to that remark.
Once I came to the office, I knocked on the closed door.
“Come in.” Miss Greyson called from within.
I opened the door to find Andrew—or Mr. Clearwater—sitting in the chair behind the desk, his fiancé sitting on it, facing him.
She looked back, got up, gave him a peck on the cheek, and turned toward the door.
“I’ll be in the kitchen when you’re done, Andrew.”
He nodded and I observed the way he watched her as she left the room.
I saw love, desire and something else…desperation.
But all of that dissipated as he turned to me and gestured to the chair in front of the cherry-stained desk.
He certainly had a strong angel standing guard behind him.
What kind of demons did this man fight? They must be plentiful and the battles must be often. I thought.
His angel was of a different caliber than I had ever observed.
Deciding that Carrie had already done everything to make sure Andrew thought I was insane I spoke to his angel.
“What’s your name? And…would you mind telling me what kind of angel you are? You don’t look like Crystal.”
The angel nodded. “I am Azben.” His voice was quiet and loud all at the same time. It was strange to me to hear angels speak. But a beautiful strange.” And I am a guardian. Just as Crystal is.”
“But a different type?” I questioned.
“Yes. A different type.” He said, elaborating no further.
All right. I’d just ask Crystal about that later.
“Ex—excuse me. Uhh…Meredith…who are you talking to?”
I smiled. “You’re angel. He seems the strong silent type, you understand. In fact, he is very strong. You must use him regularly.”
The man was beginning to look vaguely alarmed as well as intrigued. “Meredith…do you know why I wished to speak with you?”
“You are a psychologist and wanted to test the depths of what I think I see and hear?”
He cocked his head, nodded once. “Yes. Exactly. You’re a smart girl.”
“Just maybe insane?” I suggested.
“I didn’t say that.”
“It’s all right. Everybody thinks I am. Kelly informed me it was a sane type of insanity.” I shrugged. “Go figure.”
“Would you mind if I asked you some questions?”
“Go ahead.” I said. “But I must warn you I have been asked every question about my abilities that can be asked. So I am prepared with answers.”
“This should go quickly, then. First off, what do you see, exactly?”
Oh, I was tired of this. Of people who tried to dissect me. But he seemed nice enough, so I decided to indulge him for the moment.
“I see angels. I see demons. I see…the influences that both exert more clearly because of this.”
From the moment I had entered the room, I had noticed a vague kind of black string hanging in the air. I followed it with my eyes and found that the string’s starting place was Andrew Clearwater’s chest. It seemed to glide through the air, going even through the door.
“Can you hear them as well?” Andrew queried.
Distracted, I said, “As well as I can hear you.”
“You do realize this is…unusual.”
“You mean signs of insanity?”
“Not necessarily. Perhaps signs that you are trying to comfort yourself after the deaths of your parents.”
“Hmmm…” I itched to stand up and see if I could touch the string. See what I would feel if I did.
But I refrained, turning instead back to the conversation. “That would explain it.” I said. “Except that I didn’t get these abilities until about a year after they died. If I were trying to comfort myself I would think I would develop these abilities much soon, wouldn’t you say?”
He started to say something, but I cut him off.
“Also, the night before I was granted these abilities I asked for them. You see, God answers prayer. I know you believe that. From what I’ve seen you are a good warrior for the kingdom of God.”
Finally, I stood, reached out to touch the black string. “But not a great one yet.”
The moment my fingers collided with the string, I felt a strange surge of helplessness overcome me.
I flinched, jerking my hand back.
Contros…he had gotten to Lorna Greyson. Now, through her, he was getting to this good, godly man.
“Meredith…you do realize that you can’t go through life denying reality?”
I laughed. That’s what they all thought I was doing. Denying reality.
I lowered my voice as I spoke. “Oh…but angels and demons are real. And the battles they fight…” My eyes clouded over. “Sometimes…sometimes I wish I hadn’t seen them. Because…you see…sometimes the demons win.” I looked down at my feet, up at Crystal, back at Andrew.
I saw in his eyes the seed of doubt my words had put there. I smiled, if only to reassure him I meant what I said. “But all wars have casualties. And, yes. I’m telling you the truth.”
“It can’t be real…” He whispered. But he doubted himself with his own voice.
I sighed. “I’m tired.” I said. “Tired of being treated as though I have half a mind. As if I’m mad.”
Andrew shook himself. “Meredith,” He said gently. “You’re fourteen years old. Don’t delude yourself by making a fantasy only to have crushed later.”
I looked away from him.
He didn’t want to believe me.
I wouldn’t make him.
But he was really going to go down this path I was going to get tough.
“Fantasy?” I said quietly. “Let’s forget about me for a moment, Andrew Clearwater. Let’s talk about you.”
He frowned. “Me? What are getting at?”
“Lorna Greyson…your fiancé…is obviously not a woman of God.” I wouldn’t speak about Contros right now. I wanted him to have a hard dose of reality. Because he needed it. “And you, Mr. Clearwater, are a godly man.”
I saw him glitch in his spirit. Saw his face close off, grow cold.
“What you are even considering is wrong, sir. The Bible says it. And all I’m doing is repeating it. ‘Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.’ “
He was angry now. But wary. Very wary. “How did you even know my character? How did you even know—”
“I spoke with your traveling angels this morning.” I said. Then I sighed, praying for the right words “Just…be careful not to destroy that good thing which you have within you. Already, she has control over you, Lorna Greyson does. I can see it.”
I reached up, shuddered as I touched the string and followed its length right down to his chest.
I tugged on the string and his eyes widened.
He could feel it. The pressure it held over his heart.
I looked up, met his eyes. “The demon of control himself haunts Lorna Greyson. She has given herself over to it. And, you, slowly, are doing the same.” I withdrew from him, taking a step toward the door.
“It’s not too late yet. It will hurt. But not as badly if you marry her. Just…just be a great warrior for God, Andrew Clearwater. Not just a good one.”
I turned around, knowing that my words had shaken the foundations of his belief.
I left that room, the panic within me beginning to build.
It was hot and nearly scorching, this feeling.
It would burn me if I wasn’t careful.
If I didn’t keep my head and wits.
I leaned against the wall and bowed my head. “Oh, Lord Jesus,” I prayed. “What now?”
I felt whisperings in my soul flame the panic.
The flames were turning blue.
And with mounting dread I knew what I was going to do next.
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